Right after the final straw that totally wrecked my trust in another woman, came the most stressful period of my life, I had devoted almost all my spare energy to her.
So it was a train wreck, my grades dropped, friends lost contact, and most importantly I got a huge void time to fill in my life.
Just when I was about to embark on a journey of physical enjoyments, having lost my faith with "care" for one another, came this one girl... you.
It was more than... well anything that would've usually attract me, your personality, interest, humors, talkativeness and... Gosh everything of yours radiated with... (how do you describe someone so special?)
For once, I was looking at a girl for who she is, not how she looked, there weren't any prejudices from me at all... and it felt great.
Then came the 2nd night we met... I think that's when I felt "in love?" "deep?" for you. Not out of sympathy but simply finding the feeling of connection with another again. It felt transparent, it was just us, simply us, nothing separating our feelings, pasts or thinking.
At that moment, I started caring again, about another person, about life, about myself, about everything I've got so far, I appreciated everything again. Thank you.
Then each moment we spent together, I had forgotten about the flow of time each time, slight exaggeration but it's just... any time I am communicating with you, I feel a sense of safety, comfort and peace.
Soul mates?
More than that.
you are the greatest thing to have come across my "life path" at this moment of time, and well, what's the point of living if I don't choose to seize you right now?
So, please, just let me hear the answer from your mouth, no implications, no humor shield, no delays just pure and simple, for this question.
Would you, be the person that I could treasure, the person that I care for, the person that I could share and that person that I promise to keep her happy?
Would you...
Be that person?
2010年7月31日 星期六
Letter to her #2
First of all, thank you for being flexible and understanding, I know I will often spew out a bunch of stupid things when I am talking too fast or putting too much emphasis on my feelings only and disregard what the listeners could feel from my words.
There’s no way for me to become flawless in front of every/anyone, best I can do is keep shaping/improving myself as time goes on, try and become less smart but gain more wisdom.
It’s a process that I have to go through, and obviously there’s bound to be more blunders on the way, but that’s how it is, as a limited person, the most productive thing I could do is keep trying, and hopefully improve myself if needed.
However, this doesn’t mean I will modify my fundamental principles just to please people; it would take a rather dramatic event for me to want to change the very foundation that made me, these are the rules that governed me for a long while and I am not about to give it up.
What’s the point of this article you ask? Well, I don’t know if this is enough of a representation of 誠意, or do I have to write this in blood, then eat it :P. I just want to show you that I promise I’ll improve with you, or simply accompany you, or even just look from the sideline.
I’ve known that happiness don’t last forever for a while now, and it’s the disappointments in life that made the happiness we experienced that much more precious. That’s how I chose to live my life as a person who simply enjoy every moment of joy as much as possible but will never look for the same amount of joy again. However, if I could improve myself beyond what I have (which = always) I will do it.
對, 我相信我的態度在特定人的面前是一個死小孩, but 我自己覺得以這態度來跟這些人對話時, 才是我最可以放鬆 + 誠懇的時候, 嘴巴上說出來的是直接經過我的內心, 是沒有修飾過也沒有考慮到後果的話題. 這是我很少在人面前扮演的角色. 可能有點上癮了八, and越來越放肆了.
想想也是我自己走進了黑白分明的路了, 之前幾次都是完全的以特別裝扮過的我來跟別人對話, 這次非常的赤裸裸, 但其實, 只要是太極端的都會有反彈. 我自己應該好好的接受”活在灰色” 這個論點, 當然也是要看情況而定.
Lastly, 真的只能說, I promised I want a relationship, something that could last a lot longer than a few days/weeks/months, that’s why I will work as hard as I could to improve myself, for every experience, I will learn from it, again, I know this is simply a type of gamble from me, you can look at my 誠意 and take your time to decide everything, but in the end, I know I’ll at least become a (possibly) better person. You are a person that’s very special, so of course you need to deserve more.
P.S. 謝謝妳對我直話直說
There’s no way for me to become flawless in front of every/anyone, best I can do is keep shaping/improving myself as time goes on, try and become less smart but gain more wisdom.
It’s a process that I have to go through, and obviously there’s bound to be more blunders on the way, but that’s how it is, as a limited person, the most productive thing I could do is keep trying, and hopefully improve myself if needed.
However, this doesn’t mean I will modify my fundamental principles just to please people; it would take a rather dramatic event for me to want to change the very foundation that made me, these are the rules that governed me for a long while and I am not about to give it up.
What’s the point of this article you ask? Well, I don’t know if this is enough of a representation of 誠意, or do I have to write this in blood, then eat it :P. I just want to show you that I promise I’ll improve with you, or simply accompany you, or even just look from the sideline.
I’ve known that happiness don’t last forever for a while now, and it’s the disappointments in life that made the happiness we experienced that much more precious. That’s how I chose to live my life as a person who simply enjoy every moment of joy as much as possible but will never look for the same amount of joy again. However, if I could improve myself beyond what I have (which = always) I will do it.
對, 我相信我的態度在特定人的面前是一個死小孩, but 我自己覺得以這態度來跟這些人對話時, 才是我最可以放鬆 + 誠懇的時候, 嘴巴上說出來的是直接經過我的內心, 是沒有修飾過也沒有考慮到後果的話題. 這是我很少在人面前扮演的角色. 可能有點上癮了八, and越來越放肆了.
想想也是我自己走進了黑白分明的路了, 之前幾次都是完全的以特別裝扮過的我來跟別人對話, 這次非常的赤裸裸, 但其實, 只要是太極端的都會有反彈. 我自己應該好好的接受”活在灰色” 這個論點, 當然也是要看情況而定.
Lastly, 真的只能說, I promised I want a relationship, something that could last a lot longer than a few days/weeks/months, that’s why I will work as hard as I could to improve myself, for every experience, I will learn from it, again, I know this is simply a type of gamble from me, you can look at my 誠意 and take your time to decide everything, but in the end, I know I’ll at least become a (possibly) better person. You are a person that’s very special, so of course you need to deserve more.
P.S. 謝謝妳對我直話直說
Letter to her #3
Hey you:
Thanks for the email, knew you would send one though :), because... I've been typing one this whole day, and I tried it in Chinese, so bear with me!
記得喔, 我們沒有一定要互相回, 有時間, 很閑的時候再說 yeah? Deal.
Thanks for the email, knew you would send one though :), because... I've been typing one this whole day, and I tried it in Chinese, so bear with me!
記得喔, 我們沒有一定要互相回, 有時間, 很閑的時候再說 yeah? Deal.
Even though we started, it should still be 初衷不變, 那我幹麻一直想要提呢? 我的自信跟安全感不知道到跑去哪裡了.
I really am a guy after all.
Did it happen too fast?
Yes, 我被沖昏頭了
Do I regret it?
Nope, 但我不該一直提, 我想要在妳身邊的話, 我就不能自私
Do you want to use her?
Searching through my heart, my brain and my soul, I can 100% say that. No. Never.
So what are you afraid of?
我們知道一個人對自己的理解是有限的, 我不覺得很多人可以對自己100%的誠實, so 我很怕我自己內心是不是完全pure.
So should I let this continue? I know the longer we drag this on, the higher chance of us being completely hurt again.
Do you want to be with her?
Yes, honestly through everything, share her anger and her sadness, I want to see her smiles. But…
現在是我最真的一句話, 假如妳能在別人身邊或自己一個人時achieve an even brighter smile…我會走, 我必須走. 但, 我相信我可以帶給妳快樂.
想想, 我常常笑妳的框框很多, 妳也常常笑我沒自信, 但其實 我也很會給自己限制.
我真的很自私, 我們都想保護自己, via using “confirmations” “說反話” “leaving room for future” and of course “never know, who knows” : ) 我們都被傷到怕了八!
我現在的決定是, 跟第一次說喜歡妳的那時候一樣, 我不想太理性的看待我們了, 我只要知道我現在已經更準備好了, 可以為了妳, 我喜歡的妳, 把自己的保護網撤下, 赤裸裸的進去這個relationship. 真的誠心誠意的面對妳了. 是, 我承認我真的是迷戀上妳了.
受傷?
As long as she’s happy.
其實我更想跟妳說, 妳讓我重新感受到”相信”一個人的可能性 (that’s not friends or families)
我想讓妳也體會到我從妳身上感受到的這份溫暖, 我不知道妳曾經被傷的有多深, 我也不想去問了, 我也不知道我表現出來的方式能不能,是不是妳能,想接受的方式. 但是, 我只能讓妳看到很真實的我.
我知道我現在是很主觀的想讓妳感受到兩個人一起的溫暖, 雖然妳可能是已經看的很開了. 但是, 從妳突然的害羞, 體貼的行為 (minus the pinching! Kidding, I do enjoy it, honest), 彼此間的小小默契, 妳眼神裡的調皮/喜悅, 甚至是妳的不耐煩. 一切的一切是如此的…讓人著迷, 惹人憐惜. 這是妳對我好的證明, 也是讓我努力的最大動力.
我還是傻的,還是自私的, 也還是不成熟的. 但, 在互相體諒之間, 互相的溝通之間, 相信我們是可以一起成長.
能夠陪在妳身邊, 真好! 能一起走多久就多久吧! 我再也不想執著於文字,語言或身體上的 “保證”了, 我再也不怕了. 佛教的, 書上的relationship 道理, 終於又想起來了, 對不起, 花了段時間, 希望沒有嚇到妳.
我, 很容易固執, 很容易陷入我”自以為是” 的標準下而不接受別人的想法, 我會改, 我會讓自己成為一個能夠更深入考慮全局的人. 我會努力的把做決定的考慮時間, 跟事情的重要性好好的取得一個balance.
還有就是不要把對工作的態度跟對人的態度混在一起, there’s no need to always give an answer, and no need to get an answer in a relationship.
其實, 我們真的都遇到很好的時機, 這段分開是有意義的, 假如這幾天還是跟妳黏在一起的話, 不知道我會做出/說出什麼很蠢的事/話. 謝謝那個無形的力量, 讓我麼的開始, 過程, 停頓, 都如此的"perfect" 我很感謝我們的認識是先從最近的心靈距離開始的 and nothing happened that night, otherwise it would've totally ruined us. 後來的MSN/Phone long distance 更讓我們互相了解了對方很多, 少了一般"肉欲" 的誘惑. 可能就是這樣讓我們的發展在台灣一見面就變的很快八!不能太快, 真的. (I am not just saying it to please you) But, I am not going to give up back to stage 1! At least I am not going to let go of your kiss.
This gonna sound cheesy, but you really are beautiful, 請諒解一下我的急 :) I am 21! 但I promise I'll keep it slow and actually look for the most perfect and natural time in Sydney, we've got a long time to go... I hope.
對不起了, even though you said you don’t feel pressured in this relationship at all, 我相信我問妳的一些問題不可能是對妳沒有影響的.
But do excuse my curiosities : ) I have no bad intentions.
我是個人, 一個曾經怕過的人, 我會更控制自己的情緒, 更有自信, 更有能力!
本來想說, 頭有點暈的時候可以寫的更多, 沒想到大概就是這個樣子, 可能是對自己越來越誠實了, 不需要酒精的”裝傻”.
謝謝妳, again, 能認識妳, 真好. 好好的在Europ 玩,take care! 獻上全部的祝福, 全部的思念!
Sincerely
Me
P.S. 我說過我不執著文字了, 但是, 打這一整篇的時候真的都是在想著妳, 好想好想妳.
訂閱：
文章 (Atom)