Letter to her #2

First of all, thank you for being flexible and understanding, I know I will often spew out a bunch of stupid things when I am talking too fast or putting too much emphasis on my feelings only and disregard what the listeners could feel from my words.

There’s no way for me to become flawless in front of every/anyone, best I can do is keep shaping/improving myself as time goes on, try and become less smart but gain more wisdom.

It’s a process that I have to go through, and obviously there’s bound to be more blunders on the way, but that’s how it is, as a limited person, the most productive thing I could do is keep trying, and hopefully improve myself if needed.

However, this doesn’t mean I will modify my fundamental principles just to please people; it would take a rather dramatic event for me to want to change the very foundation that made me, these are the rules that governed me for a long while and I am not about to give it up.

What’s the point of this article you ask? Well, I don’t know if this is enough of a representation of 誠意, or do I have to write this in blood, then eat it :P. I just want to show you that I promise I’ll improve with you, or simply accompany you, or even just look from the sideline.

I’ve known that happiness don’t last forever for a while now, and it’s the disappointments in life that made the happiness we experienced that much more precious. That’s how I chose to live my life as a person who simply enjoy every moment of joy as much as possible but will never look for the same amount of joy again. However, if I could improve myself beyond what I have (which = always) I will do it.

對, 我相信我的態度在特定人的面前是一個死小孩, but 我自己覺得以這態度來跟這些人對話時, 才是我最可以放鬆 + 誠懇的時候, 嘴巴上說出來的是直接經過我的內心, 是沒有修飾過也沒有考慮到後果的話題. 這是我很少在人面前扮演的角色. 可能有點上癮了八, and越來越放肆了.

想想也是我自己走進了黑白分明的路了, 之前幾次都是完全的以特別裝扮過的我來跟別人對話, 這次非常的赤裸裸, 但其實, 只要是太極端的都會有反彈. 我自己應該好好的接受”活在灰色” 這個論點, 當然也是要看情況而定.

Lastly, 真的只能說, I promised I want a relationship, something that could last a lot longer than a few days/weeks/months, that’s why I will work as hard as I could to improve myself, for every experience, I will learn from it, again, I know this is simply a type of gamble from me, you can look at my 誠意 and take your time to decide everything, but in the end, I know I’ll at least become a (possibly) better person. You are a person that’s very special, so of course you need to deserve more.

P.S. 謝謝妳對我直話直說